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My Story – Part One

cloudy-daySo, I have been putting this off because I haven’t quite been sure where to start, but more than that I don’t want to be vulnerable. To put myself out there. To confess my struggles, and possibly be judged by others. I have been hiding behind a “secret” for 9 years. Only my closest friends and family new my struggle. I hide it very well and people are often very surprised when I open up to them, but God says:

James 5:16 {NASB} “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”

I have felt as of late, that God has been wanting me to open up and share.  To confess my “sin,”  so that I may be healed.  Not only for my healing, but to share in hopes of reaching others who also struggle with the same thing.  So, here goes nothing…9 years ago I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder.  The long and short of it is that I have high anxiety most of the time and have  repeated panic attacks.  We all have anxious times and most have even probably had a panic attack, but this is constant.  I managed it well, for years, with the help of Lexapro.  My anxiety nearly gone and a rare panic attack here or there.  I was thrilled until September 2012 when we informed my OBGYN that we would like to have Baby numero 2.  I was informed that once I missed a period I would need to stop Lexapro.  Take a step back 2 years ago and I was on this drug through my whole pregnancy with our first son.  I was a little confused as to why I would need to stop it now, but felt the Lord say now is a good time to try.  So, instead of going cold turkey I slowly weened myself off over the next 2  months.

Everything went great until around Thanksgiving.  My grandfather passed away on Thanksgiving, we moved the next week, and then Christmas.  It was just a high stress time and all my anxiety/panic returned.  This time with Agoraphobia, which pretty much means the fear of going places.  People often get home bound which wasn’t an option with a toddler.  So, needless to say it has been a crazy ride since then.  I have gotten hooked up with a great counselor and an AMAZING psychiatrist that is a believer, but the road has been rough.  Everything got worse before even slightly got better.  We tried Zoloft, Lexapro, and finally Prozac which seems to be helping, but throughout this I have never been so desperate for God. His Word says:

2 Corinthians 2:9 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

I am learning that this struggle isn’t about me.  It is about Him.  About trusting Him and having faith.  It is about surrendering control and letting Him direct my path.  It is about learning to hear the Holy Spirit as well as the attacks of my enemy.  God wants us to be more than Conquerors and that is what I am going to to…conquer.

I look forward to taking you along this journey and sharing what the Lord is teaching me.  I would love to hear other peoples stories and hope we can bless each other!







“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.” Deu 31:6 {The Message}

With everyone sharing their 2013 “words” for the year, I decided it was time to share the word that God has placed on my heart.  Victory, a simple and powerful word meaning “a success or triumph over an enemy in battle or war”.  How many wars and enemies do we battle in our daily lives?  I am in the middle of a battle I have fought before, but is once again rearing it’s ugly head, but I have declared victory over this challenge.  Even though I am still in the midst of this, God has brought me through once before and he will bring me through once again!!!

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Tim 1:7 {NKJV}

What if we all declared victory over our lives in this new year before we encountered any enemies, or any wars that the Enemy places before us? We probably would still encounter all the crummy stuff, but we would know the Lord is right next to us giving us strength and victory over our circumstances.

So, I challenge everyone in 2013 to lay down their fears before God and declare victory!  I would love for anyone to share the victories God has brought to them and I can’t wait to share my own story {in progress}.



Running on Empty

Running on Empty


So, it’s no joke, I love to run.  I love to escape the world, the chores, the cries, and the responsibilities and just enjoy the world that God has created with my own two feet.  I find that this is my quiet time.  The time I can tap into God’s blessings, to pray, to worship, and to be in awe of Him.  On a recent run {that was less pleasant than desired} I began trying to shift my focus from the pain and suffering to something a little more inspirational.  I began to tell myself, “The voice you hear in your head that says you can’t do this is a liar.”  As I said this realized just how true this is in SO much more than just running.  Especially in faith.  How often do we let the enemy tell us we can’t do something?  How often do we let his lies overturn the blessing that God has for us? How many of His blessings are we missing because the enemy plants that seed of fear in our minds and hearts.  If I am honest with myself this has probably happened more often than I would like to admit.  I have been blessed with some amazing opportunities these past couple days and can already feel my default setting getting ready to fire up.

  • I can’t do this…
  • What do I have to offer…
  • Will they like me…
  • Is this really what You have for me…
  • All these people are so much more successful…

As these lies enter my mind I remind myself that “The voice you hear in your head that says you can’t do this is a liar.”  I refuse to let the enemy have one more blessing that the Lord has for me.  I decide to face my fears head on and be more intentional with God now than I have ever been!  BRING.IT.ON!

I challenge you to do something this week that is out of your comfort zone.  Something that God has been placing on your heart, but you have yet to committ to because of fear.  Just remember “The voice you hear in your head that says you can’t do this is a liar.”



It’s Just a {Little} Gossip…a review

Yowzers, is all I have to say!!!!  I recently got the opportunity to review a book that a friend of mine wrote.  I don’t even know where to start.  I received the book this morning and I couldn’t put it down.  Luckily Small Fox was napping because my eyes were literally glued to the page.

“It’s Just a Little Gossip…Letters of a Broken Friendship” hit me straight in the gut almost knocking the wind right out of me.  It is the honest, naked truth of how “just a little gossip” can ruin a friendship, but how all can be healed through Christ Jesus if we lay down our own agendas and follow His.  How simple that sounds….right?

We all gossip in some form or another.  Whether it’s harmless gossip {is gossip ever harmless?} among girlfriends or the gossip that surrounds us in the media.  It is something that is a part of our everyday lives, but what is the big deal as long as no one gets hurt?  There is no harm in “just a little gossip” if you don’t get caught, right?

Getting caught is just what this book is about.  What happens when your friend catches you gossiping about her?  What happens when “just a little gossip” lasts for years {years and years}.   What happens when you hear that still, small voice of God whispering to lay it all down, forgive and move on?  Do you listen, do you follow Him, or do you ignore His voice because the pain is just TOO much?

Follow Sarah and Rebecca’s tale from heartache to healing.  See how “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him…” {Romans 8:28}.  Evaluate yourself with their study questions.  Pray for conviction, healing, strength, and guidance throughout this book with the helpful and heartfelt prayers at the end of each chapter.  Challenge yourself each week by participating in the challenges that Sarah and Rebecca have provided to help you draw closer to God and deeper into meaningful, lifelong friendships.

I can’t wait to share the tales of trials and triumphs that I encounter as I dive deeper into this book and search my heart for what God has for me.  Please visit <a href=”“>She Shares Ministry</a> for more information on the book, where to purchase, the authors, and TONS more stuff.  Also “like” She Shares Ministries on Facebook for uplifting words and much, much more!